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I Am A Coward and Also I Saw a Fox Today

I am dissociating today.  This post is not about that.

"Hi.  I'm Ryan and I've been diagnosed with Asperger's."
I want to say this to every new person I encounter.  I want them to know right away so there's no mystery or confusion.  "This is why I'm acting this way.  This is I'm moving my hands and avoiding eye contact.  This is why I don't understand."
You can't be vague with me.  I will often fail to infer what you want me to infer, and sometimes I will make the wrong inference.  I also need specific instructions.  If you want me to do something, tell me exactly what you want me to do and nothing else.  If you want me to get somewhere, try to talk like Google Maps.  Ambiguity paralyzes me.  I can't act on incomplete information.

I may be well within my rights to tell people that I'm autistic.  But some people won't understand, some people won't believe me, some will think I'm using my disability as a crutch.  Others might not know how to react.  So I say nothing.  I get bad directions and incomplete instructions and so I either fail to act or I attempt to act and get lost or fuck up.

I don't have the strength or the courage to tell people about my special needs.  As a result, I get what I need less and I become more and more withdrawn and dependent on others.

Ok that's all.

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