I do not feel that I expressed myself very well in this post.
I have been trying to get disability. It's a fight. The process seems meant to be demoralizing. For fear of malingerers the system resists helping. That's how it appears to me anyway, and I know naught of the politics at work. I have been denied twice. Now a man from a law firm is helping me. He said that he believes my case is good because of my seizure disorder. PTSD, social anxiety disorder, and autism spectrum disorder are not enough to make a case, it appears.
I have to prove to the government that I am unable to work because of my conditions. This is difficult. And the SSA already disbelieves me on principle. Or perhaps even by necessity. The thought of pleading to them is daunting because it seems to me that they're disinclined to help from the beginning. I picture the SSA arbiters as austere figures with crossed arms and deep frowns.
I've never been any good at proving myself on the spot. The image of severe, prejudiced judges doesn't help me here. It adds a lot of stress to a situation that is already unhappy. Depression and anxiety are clinically significant problems in my life as it is. The increased pressure of proving that to the federal government makes things worse, even with a paralegal planning my strategy. How do I present to them struggles which unfold in my mind? I can only present evidence of said struggles' impacts on me as they manifest externally from my own perspective. This is a bad task. The SSA wants to see what I can't do. They don't care about whether or not something I can do makes me miserable. If I can hold a job for more than 6 months then I don't need disability even if doing so crushes my life and contributes to my mental illness. How can I convince this already disapproving body that evidence that I can do something does not support the conclusion that I should do it. The SSA seems to be of the opinion that anyone who can endure anguish is undeserving of relief. This feels rooted in the philosophical notion that life is suffering. It may be to some extent, but we would do well to alleviate suffering when we can. The SSA wants proof that my suffering is so great that I cannot function. But I have suffered much for a long time and I have had to learn to make myself march on, even to the detriment of my mental health. I have had to function because I have not had help. But in the eyes of the evaluators for the social security administration, anyone who asks not to be forced to sacrifice their mental health for money is trying to game the system. They appear to have accepted that the system stands on the idea that one must be miserable to be part of it.
I presume that the mental health professionals in my life will testify for me. Their expert knowledge may be of some help. But with the final arbitration being entirely in someone else's hands, based only on testimony they are free to dismiss with little justification, I have no reason to expect that I will win my case.
Talking about my experiences is difficult. I get lost in detail, trying to capture every subtlety, and fall prey to self doubt. I don't know how to convince the SSA that my life among others is a struggle that has only gotten worse as I have forced myself to conduct it. They have working for then mental health evaluators who will never speak to me, whose names I will never know, and who answer directly to the people who already want to deny my claim. All I have is my word. Is that valuable in this circumstance? Trying to imagine what other people think is hard enough. But I feel that the SSA from the start has treated me like a fraud. I know I deserve to be believed. Their reluctance, doubt, and outright denial of my struggle are invalidating. The process of seeking disability is dehumanizing. I want to give up, but I make myself continue. Though my motivation is withered and I feel as if any hopes here are forlorn, I will force myself to see this through to the end. But will persevering damage my case? If I can persist even when I'm terrified and demoralized, with the SSA see my claim as invalid? The only other option is giving up, which is what they want. The system seems designed to dissuade people from using it.
I have been trying to get disability. It's a fight. The process seems meant to be demoralizing. For fear of malingerers the system resists helping. That's how it appears to me anyway, and I know naught of the politics at work. I have been denied twice. Now a man from a law firm is helping me. He said that he believes my case is good because of my seizure disorder. PTSD, social anxiety disorder, and autism spectrum disorder are not enough to make a case, it appears.
I have to prove to the government that I am unable to work because of my conditions. This is difficult. And the SSA already disbelieves me on principle. Or perhaps even by necessity. The thought of pleading to them is daunting because it seems to me that they're disinclined to help from the beginning. I picture the SSA arbiters as austere figures with crossed arms and deep frowns.
I've never been any good at proving myself on the spot. The image of severe, prejudiced judges doesn't help me here. It adds a lot of stress to a situation that is already unhappy. Depression and anxiety are clinically significant problems in my life as it is. The increased pressure of proving that to the federal government makes things worse, even with a paralegal planning my strategy. How do I present to them struggles which unfold in my mind? I can only present evidence of said struggles' impacts on me as they manifest externally from my own perspective. This is a bad task. The SSA wants to see what I can't do. They don't care about whether or not something I can do makes me miserable. If I can hold a job for more than 6 months then I don't need disability even if doing so crushes my life and contributes to my mental illness. How can I convince this already disapproving body that evidence that I can do something does not support the conclusion that I should do it. The SSA seems to be of the opinion that anyone who can endure anguish is undeserving of relief. This feels rooted in the philosophical notion that life is suffering. It may be to some extent, but we would do well to alleviate suffering when we can. The SSA wants proof that my suffering is so great that I cannot function. But I have suffered much for a long time and I have had to learn to make myself march on, even to the detriment of my mental health. I have had to function because I have not had help. But in the eyes of the evaluators for the social security administration, anyone who asks not to be forced to sacrifice their mental health for money is trying to game the system. They appear to have accepted that the system stands on the idea that one must be miserable to be part of it.
I presume that the mental health professionals in my life will testify for me. Their expert knowledge may be of some help. But with the final arbitration being entirely in someone else's hands, based only on testimony they are free to dismiss with little justification, I have no reason to expect that I will win my case.
Talking about my experiences is difficult. I get lost in detail, trying to capture every subtlety, and fall prey to self doubt. I don't know how to convince the SSA that my life among others is a struggle that has only gotten worse as I have forced myself to conduct it. They have working for then mental health evaluators who will never speak to me, whose names I will never know, and who answer directly to the people who already want to deny my claim. All I have is my word. Is that valuable in this circumstance? Trying to imagine what other people think is hard enough. But I feel that the SSA from the start has treated me like a fraud. I know I deserve to be believed. Their reluctance, doubt, and outright denial of my struggle are invalidating. The process of seeking disability is dehumanizing. I want to give up, but I make myself continue. Though my motivation is withered and I feel as if any hopes here are forlorn, I will force myself to see this through to the end. But will persevering damage my case? If I can persist even when I'm terrified and demoralized, with the SSA see my claim as invalid? The only other option is giving up, which is what they want. The system seems designed to dissuade people from using it.
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