Far Removed

Entertainment media depicts no real aloneness. Nobody in popular fiction is ever actually alone, as there's a tribe for everyone in a fantasy world. In the real world, permanent outcasts exist. Some people are judged ineligible for acceptance in any tribe. It can't be that everyone you encounter occupies the center of your attention all the time. Think about what makes someone forgettable. What traits could someone have that would make you, consciously or otherwise, put them on the margins of your consideration?  I'm talking about benign inattention here. We decide how to direct our care based on identifiable factors. We don't try to attend to everyone. That would take more brain power than anybody has. We have to triage, so we only attend to those people who meet a set of criteria. Within communities, criteria for inclusion usually overlap. Most groups share similar criteria for whom they will keep in their attention. If an individual doesn't meet any of the criter...

Socializing is a game.  If you want to integrate, you have to play it well.  People who are naturally good at the game might not ever realize they're playing it.  The game is ritual, posturing, and pandering.  It's competitive, like every human system.  Every move occurs on a razor's edge.  The penalty for bad play is exile.  If you opt not to play at all, you become invisible.  This game is going on all the time.  Everyone you meet is playing it, even people who think themselves especially welcoming.  Genuine care is earned on the merits of one's performance of normalcy; there's no haven wherein it's given freely.  In an ideal world, anyone would be welcome anywhere.  Care wouldn't be measured and controlled.  If you wanted to float an idea or to participate in a conversation, you'd only need to speak your mind and you'd find everyone listening.  But this ideal world would have no humans in it. Humans have to play th...