The Human Protocol

Humanity is a spectrum. Some people move through human society without ever belonging in it. I'm such a person.

Every thought, every emotion, every sensation, everything your internal organs do, your balance, your muscle tone, your proprioception, every experience you have, from the big ones to the little ones, corresponds to something that happens in your brain: a neural event. Most neural events are beyond our direct control.

Every neural event has a trigger. Someone says your name and you turn. You like a song, so you turn it up. What triggers neural events is determined by things like your genes, your upbringing, your culture, and your values.

Many neural events are reserved for human-to-human interactions. If you encountered a mosquito that spoke English, you'd recategorize it, and you might change the way you went about trying to keep it from biting you. It would qualify for a kind of consideration that we don't usually offer mosquitoes. It would be more than just an insect.

We might refer to neural events that are specific to human interaction as "The Human Protocol." What if someone fit the physical description of a human but didn't trigger the Human Protocol? Would they register as human? How would you feel about that person? What would happen if that person tried to speak to you? What would you have to do in order to listen to what they said?

What is a human? People have been discussing that for a long time. We might also ask: to what degree does our definition of what a human is have anything to do with what our brains react to? What does what you are have to do with how you appear, or how you are treated? What does your identity have to do with how people conceptualize you? Is it possible to be a non-human human? 

I ask these questions as a person who doesn't consider himself human. Biologically, I am Homo sapiens. Socially, however, I am something else because I don't fully trigger the Human Protocol. When somebody wants to listen to me, they can't rely on an automatic neural action that will guide their attention to what I say. They have to cause that neural action consciously, and that requires energy. I have seen people struggle with that extra energy cost. Eventually, they fail. It's too much neural load. This is understandable. But what does it mean that I don't trigger these neural events in people? 

I am unsettling. People experience discomfort when they see something that fits the description of a human but that doesn't register as one. I have seen this discomfort on the faces of people who have had to interact with me. And humans are rarely sanguine in that discomfort. They are more often violent, and I have seen the violence. I've seen the disregard. I've disappeared everywhere I've been. I'm in exile.

A therapist is likely to tell you that as a human being, you have intrinsic value and that you deserve dignity, respect and to have your voice heard. This is a normative claim. However, brains don't consult Kant before they form impressions. Brains run scripts. If I don't fit the parameters those scripts require to trigger empathy, respect, or attention, then those things don’t happen no matter how many therapists tell me they should.

Does it matter whether I have intrinsic value as a human being if people are incapable of seeing me as a human socially through no fault of their own? Intrinsic value is a noble idea but it's socially mediated. Value that can't be perceived is indistinguishable from value that isn't there. Is it reasonable to demand that people defy the neural events that arise automatically from their micro-observations of me?

Whatever I deserve, I present a perfect storm of socially maladaptive traits that guarantees that I have no shot at acceptance. The ramifications are grim. I am confined in a system that is an opportunity machine for humans and a drowning trap for me. There is no happy path ahead. With lasting joy off the table, radical withdrawal looks like my only chance for any safety.