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Anxiety Attack

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I am having an anxiety attack right now.  I feel intense fear: the kind you might feel when hurrying up the steps of an unfinished basement in the dark.  Dread, I guess.  I have just taken a clonazepam for it.

I'm on Trintellix.  It's the fifth medication my psychiatrist has tried.  I've had bad reactions to both benzodiazepines and SSRIs.  Trintellix is not a benzo but an antidepressant.  Like Celexa, another SSRI, Trintellix gives me restless leg syndrome, which might be unusual as my psychiatrist said he'd never heard of that when I reported it with citalopram.  I have a sensory processing problem, as is apparently common with people on the spectrum.  The sensation of restlessness and pins and needles in my legs is very upsetting and, as I also have PNES, can cause seizures.  Last night I had some mild RLS symptoms.  Then all my skin began to itch and feel irritated.  I had two seizures.  When I woke up at 9am to feed my cats, my anxiety was high.  I felt the aforementioned dread and even hiding under my blankets didn't help.  I had another seizure in bed.  It was a bad night and a bad morning and it's been a bad afternoon so far.  I'm hoping the Klonopin starts working soon.

Autism spectrum disorder isn't my only diagnosis.  I have also been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, minor depressive disorder, PTSD, and a non-verbal learning disorder along with a provisional diagnosis of ADHD-inattentive type (ADD).  My pharmacological journey has been frustrating so far, as my brain doesn't seem to like or respond well to medicines messing with its chemistry.  I'm sticking with it, though.  I'm trying really hard.  I want to get as close to better as I can.

Now I am feeling groggy and slightly foggy and disoriented.  I've already been experiencing some mild derealization.  More may be to come.  I should lie down, it's getting somewhat difficult to focus on typing this post on my phone, but I still need to take my daily walk and I still need to eat, too.  We will see what happens.  Writing this blog entry seems to have helped, but then I'm bad at noticing subtle changes in myself.  I suspect autism is to thank for that.

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