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The Teflon Artist

Being asocial, I am not motivated to socialize.  Being autistic, as is my specific experience of autism, I am socially inept.  I am, to the detriment of my interpersonal communication skills, disproportionately more analytical than emotive. 

Dispassion is often unwelcome in the interpersonal world, even when it is appropriate.  I'm uncomfortable with passion because it is unreliable.  What passion I do have is inclined toward neutral description, so it little seems like passion at all. 

This is a portrait of disability.  I am narrow and reticent.  This certainly isn't conducive to lucrative success in the arts.  Because I fail to connect when I do attempt to interact, I escape the notice of people who might help me in my profession.  Furthermore, my art is very analytical, being especially inclined toward philosophical explorations of nihility.  The emotion it contains may seem sterile or cold.  So I may fail to connect on two levels.

This is conjecture about why I have failed as an artist.  I don't myself know well enough what connecting successfully feels like to say with certainty how often I fail to do it.  To put it another way: I wouldn't know a successful interpersonal interaction if it jumped up and bit me.  I needs must trust reports of my seeming stoic and disengaged and of my art failing to resonate emotionally.  This doesn't mean I consider myself a failure, but it is a significant frustration. 



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