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I Wish I Were An Android

I am a lot like an android.  I wish that I were artificial.  Will and emotion are obstacles or burdens.  I am weary of them.  I want to want nothing and to watch the world around me without judging it.  Looking in the world for satisfaction is counterproductive and I would rather stop.  I am vexed in that I have much ado to know myself.

The only experience available to me is physical experience.  My needs vis a vis my quality of life are all real, physical, limited.  And how disappointing that anything must be real.  Would that I could be in an unworld divorced from such ideas as value.

Imagine an unreal reality. Imagine observing a world whose objectivity is fluid.  I want to be transient, if I must be at all; in the world but not of it, if I must be either.  This is the appeal of being a machine: I would have suites of purposes and nothing to judge or to do between tasks.  My intelligence would be a utility and nothing more.  I would be free of self, depending on how you define an android.

Or perhaps what I want is relief from constant sapience.  Much is made of our species' intellect.  But we're not heroes against the natural world.  We're not ascended.  Who would want to be?  Why cling so desperately to the idea of man as something more than natural but to assuage a terrible fear that by our nature our wills amount to naught more than those of the things that would long ago have killed us to sustain themselves?  I want to be in that primal stuff.  It's too much work maintaining the delusion that I'm part of the best species on the planet.

So I would like to be something other than human. And then I would like for being to lose all value.  Because value is subjective and it can be meaningless if we want it to be.

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